Lepaskan Segalanya

Hari-hari berlalu dengan macam2 perasaan,
tiap2 pagi lepas morning meeting n exercise je rase nak nangis,
overload dengan kerja plus org bwh yg susah nk buat kerja plus byk cakap bila suruh buat kerja
*mcm dia sorang je banyak kerja dan macam dia sorang je yang busy sangat*
tak fikir yang kita ni balik rumah pon bila sudah malam tapi kalau dia cukup time je sharp nak belah dari kilang tu
memang mentaliti kerja kilang macam ni kot, buat kerja berkira sangat, kita daripada tidak berkira, jadi berkira la pulak terpengaruh betul. there are a lot of things for me to learn, i accept it, when get scolded. bila kena nagging and ceramah motivasi free. i rasa dah tak tertahan nak layan kerenah kerja yang macam ape ntah nak describe. i betul2 dah tak tahan, tp sbb Mr Ollen je i pikir then i should avoid of thinking negative things surround me now. i should ignore it even my mind keep on thinking about it. no matter what happen, i can't tender resignation letter if i don't have any secure employment. forsure, i'll resign if i get other better offer. i'm hoping that so soon, i will get it. but i know, over hoping also cannot get. what i'm gonna do is praying and keep on hunting new job. i sudah tak tahan nak mengadap hari2 yang akan datang dengan kerja yang sekarang. i felt useless, ashamed of myself. present depan Jepun with X confident level, and my boss did comment that it's obvious i'm shaking during the presentation. and one of them said to my assistant manager that i should attend presentation alive. i felt demotivated when i heard about this. i know i'm not good and well perform enough. but i'm trying right? i did it even though i don't want it. there are too much things to do, i can't handle it by my own. i want to be an excellence people. but i know, it's hard to achieve it. tiap2 hari rasa macam nak nangis pergi kerja, masa belajar dulu tak rasa macam ni pon, cuma rasa nak nangis sebab malas nak bangun pagi je. sekarang terpaksa bangun pagi pergi awal semata-mata nak buat kerja. macam tak percaya padahal dulu bukan main susah lagi nak bangun untuk pergi sekolah atau kelas dekat U. argh.. people do change, so do i.
dah lebih dua bulan. and dalam masa ini, tiap2 minggu i akan balek negeri sembilan. 2 x seminggu, mungkin tak cukup, tapi itu yang mampu buat masa ni. kalau nak harap tiap2 hari boleh punch out on time kan bagus, semestinya tidaklah. and jangan harap lah perkara berikut akan berlaku. itu kalau berlaku sehari pon suda rasa miracle plus bersyukur sangat.
banyak dilema disaat hati sangat rapuh ni. hancur luluh dengan perasaan yang memedihkan hati. kisah cinta yang tidak kesampaian, kisah cinta abadi yang hanya Allah tahu betapa ikhlasnya percintaan ini. dalam bulan ramadhan yang mulia beserta dugaan yang dihadapi hari demi hari, pasti ada hikmahnya walaupun buruk mahupun baik. pasti ada sebab sesuatu itu berlaku. redha dan pasrah sajalah dengan ketentuannya.

macam biasa, i akan tetap pergi sana, recite Yasin or Al-Quran there. even i'm alone, i'll be brave enough to go there. but now i'm a little bit ok because my tears not flow heavily so i can control my emotion there.and the truth is i want to make a confession on the things that really mess up my mind. but i don't know to who i should tell it. moreover, i have to be brave enough to confess all those things. i did sins, that people don't know about it. i want to repent, but i'm not sure what is the challenges if i can't do so. i want to tell that actually i'm tired of listening. tired of entertaining unnecessary things.

to be continue..
dah ngntuk pulak..