Sunday, March 27, 2011

Listening and Writing or Typing

Jiwa kacau mode~

Sometimes we need to smile and pretend that we are okay
but some how we can't smile even we are okay.
Some case we can hide if we got any problem, someday it will be reveal.
If not now, maybe later.

and my sadness can't go away if i keep on thinking about my mom's condition right now.
I cried for the time i miss her, i can't figure it out how many times i cried for her.
I keep on praying that she will be okay soon..please Ya ALLAH.
Please fulfill my doa.
I'm hoping that her health is okay and better day by day.
I can't bear to see and hear about her condition right now.

Sometimes people surround want to share their problems with us but sometimes we are listening but actually we don't want to hear it because we are burdened by our problems.

Sometime we laugh to the funny jokes around us but actually deep inside our heart it is broken and hurt and yet to recover our heart hurt sometimes we need to smile even it's pain.

and they always said that smile is like u r donating :) (direct translation senyum itu sedekah)
Keep on smile in front of people and cries alone.
Is it okay and fair to ourself?

i hate hypocrisy.Serious i hate it. But sometimes i have no choice and need to practice it.
but i do hate them whom are hypocrite and concrete.

How would you feel if someone that you trust, u like, u love, even u just know her/him is actually talk bad about you in front of the others?
Can you imagine how hurt your feeling if they are actually acting in front of you.
Don't you know that they are a bit like cruel towards you?
Don't you think that they really care about you?
Don't you feel that you are talking rubbish right now.
Don't you realize that you are repeating the same words.

it's been a while since i'd had a girls' night out, and the estrogen rush was invigorating.
but my night is now are fully at home. sleep earlier than before.
i need to work and realize that i'm getting old and be like a career women from now onwards.
it is too skeptical, and myself can't understand it until now.
i miss Mang, Ayu, Fyd, Sally, Aizan, Jijah, Myra, Norlis, and all my friends when we are studying together before.
it's memorable, precious time that we had shared together.

I hate hectic lifestyle of an employed person.
i do hate myself because i'm not appreciate and thankful for the good things that Allah gave to me.
Unfortunately i'm hoping better offer from another company to work in.
but it is not wrong to say like that because for sure you want better for your routine of life right?
i'm holding myself personally responsible for my own sake but with Allah's permission.

heavy feeling of lethargy washed over me as i said that i'm coughing ( worsen after medicine taken) and flu also not to be forgotten fever to include and to be mentioned here.
My mind went around in circles, trying to come up with some way out of this nightmare(i mean my unhealthy condition).

until now to write in.
i want to sleep and dream
to be at amusement park on weekend.
I hate working on weekend.
hopefully awake really at amusement park! 
sound silly~
People say, sometimes the things u ever hate is usually happen and you always get it.
Maybe there's some hikmah hidden on everything that actually happen now.

Ya Allah sembuhkanlah ibuku.
Aku x akan berhenti berdoa utk ibu bapaku.
Selamatkah, ibu bapaku dari godaan dunia dan siksa akhiratmu.
Sembuhkanlah ibuku dari segala penyakit yg menyerangnya Ya Allah.
Panjangkanlah umur kedua ibu bapaku.
Ampunilah dosaku, ibu bapaku dan seluruh kaum keluargaku.
Limpahkanlah kami rezeki yang berkat.
berikanlah kami petunjuk ke arah jalan yang Engkau redhai.
Hanya kepadamu aku bermohon Ya Allah.
Tiada  Tuhan melainkanMU.

if you really know'll know why i'm deactivate fb..
just think that i'm in sort of jiwa kacau mode so that i'll do everything that unnecessary to someone who actually want a bit attention but i'm kinda person who is not really to share my probs..cause i also don't like blabbermouth!

Deep inside my heart i'm eagerly want to hear a sound of happiest in my tone of voice so that i'll become normal like people out there!
seem i'm abnormal recently~
yes! ehh no! i'm not...!!!

A huge thank you to my beloved Dayen because give some moral support and motivate myself~
Thanks so much for hearing my voice of sadness and keep on telling that everything will gonna be okay~ Thanks cries that you hear..and only Allah knows how much i appreciate it.

i want my heart and mind as tranquil as this scene captured fullstops.

aku bukan sempurna~

serabut bukan lakonan semata, 
juga bukan khayalan yang bermain difikiran 
tetapi kenyataan yang tak mampu di ubah 
hanya kerana diriku tak berupaya 
mengubah segalanya yang berlaku,
Apa2pon, pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya.
Semoga berjumpa dan mengenal pasti hikmah yang mendatang.

1 comment:

iJoi said...

bersabar lah untuk segalanya....