So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
Maka yang mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat Tuhan kamu, yang kamu hendak dustakan (wahai umat manusia dan jin)?
Assalammualaikum Dear Baby Boo Blog,
Sugul nampaknya, dah lama kan tak borak panjang. Sepanjang perjalanan hidup ini, ada yang tak kenal erti syukur, biasalah manusia, semuanya tak cukup, semuanya tak sempurna dimatanya. Same goes to me, eventhough until now, yet i felt not perfect enough with what I actually have now.
Alhamdulillah, selamat menjadi isteri kepada seseorang, tak cerita kan lagi kan?Yang hari tu intro la kot...sikit je pon,..FA is now officially my husband, okay tak yah la nak pikir Fahrin Ahmad ke kan, Fadzil Abdullah je pon, heeeeee.... Nak cerita lebih-lebih pasal how we met up and finally married is somehow, ridiculously to write it on, biasalah, dulu-dulu gaduh, last-last melekat pulak, tapi percaya jodoh ni Tuhan yang beri, bila-bila Allah nak bagi, dia bagi, walaupon pahit kita tak pernah terfikir jadi isteri dia ni, hanya Allah je yang tau. Dan kenapa dia yang Allah pilih untuk jadi teman kita, hanya Allah je yang maha mengetahuikan. 1st thing 1st, penah jugak terfikir ayat seorang kawan ni, suruh kita move on, ye lah, asik suka and sayang dekat orang yang salah, buat apa, and she said, name die(Fadzil) but then, masa tu, I tot of, nope and nothing, ye lah, tak de perasaan kan, masa bercinta rasa boyfriend kita tu lah yang paling JODOH skali la, haha... maksudnya, macam dia la sorang saje yang ade kat dunia ni, dia la paling baik skali, memang meant to be together la orang kate. Tapi tu perasaan masa bercinta cintun je. Tapi hakikat sebenarnya, bercinta dengan orang yang salah tu la perasaan paling pahit sekali, cukup la rasa sekali. Dah tak nak rasa lagi.
Macam mana boleh rapat sampai boleh jadi suami, hohoiii, tak tahulah nak cerita, tapi yang I ols paham, bila Allah nak bagi kite perasaan suka kat orang tu, dengan sekelip mata kita boleh rasa suka, dan bila Allah bagi perasaan benci kat orang tu pon sekelip mata kita boleh benci, Nak kata suka sangat, takut dah, sebab bila suka sangat, rasional jadi emosinal je, but then, apa yang I think, i keep it until now, i met him dekat masjid Taman Tuanku Jaafar, masa tu rush nak solat maghrib, I nak pergi mengajar tuition, so OTW balik dari tempat kerja, tempat terdekat tu adalah masjid TTJ je, so i ols pon rush la, sebab da macam lambat pon masa tu, dan FA is going out from the mosque, dia dah sudah solat and nak balik I think, masa tu ternampak dia and hati ni terdetik, dia ke orangnya.
Masa tu la start macam suka mamat poyo ni, btw we are not usually mesengger-ing each other, sebab bila ada issue je baru la we get connected. Tu pon pasal kerja jela basically, then what happened after that, is what i think too confidential to tell ya. Actually panjang nau citenye, but i think i can cerita when i have extra mood to bercerita ye.
gambar masa tunang, dan takde pon gambar yang senonoh sikit.
Whereby that words hurt you, maybe they all don't really know how you felt.
Something that you don't want to know it well, but come across your mind. Believe it, there's nothing in this world with the greatest painful feeling,When someone you love is leaving you. Seriously, you will not feel anything, if she or he is leaving because you don't really love her or him. You will feel deeper pain if you are so in love with her or him. The exaggerating mood is not on, the excitement is not there, the happiness, is it exist? without fake. Burden is always there, the challenge is always in, the obstacle will not going to up their white flag. Moreover the negative thought is always there also. How could you handle this by your own, selfishness, maybe it is easy to say, to throw out your voice, am I too selfish? Why don't we pampering ourselves with what actually we want. We don't really get what we actually, but we can't end it up halfway. This is totally me, ended up with something to please everyone, not me. Pathetic me, seriously. Sometimes, they love us with condition. Somehow, everything is not like what you want it to be. I'm tired of these dramas, whereby any one of it we need to think on. Either you like it or not it doesn't matter. You have to think it rationally, nothing in this world will be so easy for you. You have to work hard for it, but when you really work hard for it, you'll ended up frustrated because you did it with your heart, but the things is not on your right. The way to cherish myself is being free from everything that haunted me and stress me on. I need a tranquil environment, but i always been there, the place that i always went to. Nevertheless, the regret is unforgiving. The miracle is about to happen. May be this is payback action that i have to face it by my own. I have to face this by my own. I have no one to tell my true feelings. I just can't keep this. I just can't tell all of it. I just merely don't know how I should act with this type of condition. A lil bit too harsh to tell the truth about what i feel now. Scared of hurting someone's feeling but they always did it to me. Never ever to repay what actually they did, but Allah always there, fair with Allah's own plans. I'm deep hurt, no one knows, I may physically okay but I'm actually not really okay. You may see me smile all the day, but you may not see my sad face while I'm crying. This entry is totally rubbish, why I should share this, even I don't want it. Ain't this feeling reliable? I couldn't deny it. I can't delete it.The memories remain, i won't force myself being not to.Being ignorance is better. I might don't know the real life at which point you should give up on to. I am me, I can only smile when I'm happy, cry when I sad, and vice versa for certain kind of things happen to me. I can't turn my sweetest smile, to be warmest hug, i can't do it anymore. I believe, one day, this difficulties will gone. The bitter feel will go away, and faded at the right time. We act based on what we think on, we control our self, but we have to consider others, before we act. Unfair for yourself but not yet been appreciated by someone you have to consider to.None of the time is for you there is a lil tiny hope that i can immersed through my brain, but to cope with others, not really tiny hope from others, am i going to consider too?. I had too much to share with someone who can only listen to me, who can comfort me without saying anything,by looking her face would demolish all the stress things and difficult thing in my mind. I do have one too, but i always failed to see the "everything" that already given to me.I always failed. I'm going too far, attract me with something that i can attach to. I don't even have anyone to depends on. Pity me. Devils are always persuading me to do whatever is prohibited. Hoping that I will not drowning too far from the right track. Give me back, the real me, the original me. One fine day, I will be okay, and ended the last chapter of my life, by not burdening everyone surround me. May Allah ease my plans, May Allah redha. Blissfully with Joy. Hatred is gone, with the power of love, thus keep the mouth of the shay-tan from yelling to construct heart to do this, to do that, without permission. Sadness is a one type of feeling, sooner or later, it will be forgotten. No worries, just chill, and live the life to the fullest.
I rase blog I sekarang bukan tempat tempek lagu, but more tempek perasaan marah je.
Btw, baru sekarang I know that I'm a person yang protes thru action,
I might not tell it, but the way I show it thru my action je.
So sesapa yang kenal I might know my act better than my words,
Baru 2015 perasan perangai ni, and else, i will not cakap my feelings, i'd rather write it on,
and yet i buang, renyukkan and delete.
padahal tak pandai berkata-kata pon..and nak karang ayat pon
i just realize this, tu pon sebab ade orang yang beritahu I.
I tend to nanges and nanges je
after a second will come back normal
lepas lupe sume sakit hati beban masalah yang tak tertanggung tu
then i boleh senyum and okay je
so cepat, easy to forgive and to forget
yet ade mende yang memang tak boleh nak lupe langsung terus
so akan terpahat dalam ingatan sampai bile2.
to be true, kalau dengki ke, marah ke, benci ke,
not really suit me, sbb end up I tak tenang
so i close case dengan ignoring my unwanted behavior or feelings to
let it gooooooo
bak kate ELSA :p
tapi tak sempat nak tulis wish list,
Last year pon same je
tak de la nak review ape mende dah dapat and tak dapat ye dak?
So 2015 Travel wish list of course la Rome, Italy
actually travel wish list ni memang tiap2 tahun
asek renew je,,sebab manjang tak tercapai...kan..takpo belum ade rezeki
Btw, klu tak sebab February ni, memang rase dah sampai dah last year kt sane.
i have one person yang suka nak travel ni. btw she's single also...
and if I say yes je, of course jadi fly ke Rome.
Sebab Rome, sebab Venice jugak,
Mase blajar Geografi dulu, teringat pasal terusan Venice ni yang mereka kate chantek,
and hopefully dapat view by mata sendiri, soonest, in sha Allah, amin
then mase dulu2 kalau forgot password kat yahoo or ape2 aje internet account
suka la nak pilih soalan, Which place you want to go?
Then of course la I type Rome.
Tempat paling romantik la kononnye.
So what do u aspect mase zaman skolah kan
of course la nak g tempat paling romantik dalam dunia ni
sebelum pergi pulang tempat yang kekal abadi...
so dari dulu sampai sekarang memang tu je lah tempatnye
Lately i dah mula lupe2 sikit,
hati ni, mungkin dah ralat sket kot,
btw, Angah pesan, kalau sayang orang, jangan sayang sangat
then should i apply this too
tapi I know who is Siti well, sebab dia bile da sayang orang
takdenye nak sikit sangat, terover sangat ade ler....
tengok, masih tak insaf and beringat lagi
padahal selalu kena je..
Macam-macam dugaan lately, tapi tak lah teruk macam orang laen kan
so I still have dad, walaupon dah tak macam dlu, yet i still have him.
I have no longer my mom besides me, Wallahi, sangat sedey, because my big day preparation
should have her around me.
Yet i felt alone and so pathetic of me.
Empathy sangat hokay..
no worries, i can handle this by my own!
wweeehhh, nipu nau..
Nak mintak tolong sape tak tahu, tak suke nak susahkan orang
but end up i memang selalu menyusahkan orang..
sorry buddies and families..
Still dependable..nak buat macam mane,
duduk kt dunia ni bukan boleh buat semua benda sendiri
so still kena mintak tolong orang, klu ego and macam bagus sangat
esok lusa tulat, meninggal pon orang len yang kene uruskan
bukan boleh tergolek-golek masuk kubur sendiri kan..
pinjam ayat my sis tu...
kadang-kadang rasa azam tahun baru nak update blog tiap2 hari..
motif sangat takdo kojo..
sebab 2014 pon entry i 34 jekkk
or else macam tu je lah pon entry nye
bila tulis nampak macam rasional je perasaan ni
tapi hati berkecamuk ni bukan nampak dan boleh luah pon
sabar lah siitiii oiiii