However I can’t do anything, I just need to face it and accept it even I don’t really like to.
I’ve no choice. I need to pay for Mr. Ollen as I bought it last year. Moreover I have to repay my debt and future debt to my lovely parents. Oh I miss them. Sincerely to say that I’d just met them. I don’t really know why I’d become so sensitive lately, maybe because I’m suffering from a syndrome known as Pre Menstrual Syndrome. By the way, it’s time for me to do my work but I don’t have a gut to do it. I need to stabilize my mood so that I’d become cheerful and do my work chores without moodiness. I’ve been working here since 4th October 2010. I’ll know one fine day I’ll be transferred to section which is I don’t really want to. Then, what to do? I need to face it by my own. It’s skeptical, really skeptical, so just don’t let your mind tired to think it off.
I’m thinking of better offer right now. I want something better and it’ll tranquil my mind and my soul. I don’t want to be here. Thanks Allah for giving me a chance to work here, I don’t know who is pressurized myself here. Maybe I’m a spoil brat that they shouldn’t think of hiring me. I don’t really know if it is a fault but I do believe that there’s something that we don’t know (supposed to be good impact or effect) and I don’t know it yet. Not yet been revealed or maybe Allah want me to think it deeper and find by my own self. I’m searching myself, the truth of being me and the utterly of why being me.
If I’m too good and near to Allah, maybe I can answer that entire question that I keep on thinking, even now I’m still thinking it off. I don’t know to whom I should share all these rubbishy and I know it’s quite boring. Besides, my creator and you the only want can listen to me without expression, but I don’t really care on that.
The only want can hear me is only you, Mr. B, I’m sad and so sad, I can’t express my inner intuition. I want to cry even I know it would not help my problem and settle down it but it is a way to cure myself from being too stress and pushy towards my conflict of emotion.
You can throw out all those words to me, I’m picky, I’m choosy, I’m fussy, I’m fastidious, I’m pernickety, I’m whatever! But the truth is I’m scared to be one of it. I securely understand that I’m nobody to choose my own style. I’m the one who pleased to face everything that Allah had chosen the best for me. I don’t know what wrong with me right now. Mental disorder? For Godsake!stay away from it. I don’t want any sickness regards brain or whatever. I’m hoping I will in a pink of health. (These words like I’m
Doing English essay on secondary school). There’s no one can understand me well. I knew it. I can’t feel the euphoria of the surroundings. Is there any happiness from deep inside my heart? I’m bored with situation like this. I;m stuck within empathy and compassion. Less energizing, so that i'd become less concious with real fact of life now.